Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What title did I choose?

Holding Pattern

Or alternately titled:
     Crying in the shower DOES help sometimes, or...
     Vulnerable: Not Needy,
     I'm overwhelmed, Not depressed

Any of these titles will work. When I'm crying in the shower, and begging God to just give me an effin break every once in a while, I think in Facebook statuses. Sad, but true.

It's not that I don't have a lot to say, it's that I have way too much to share, and never enough time, or allowed characters, to say it in. 

For instance, I'm feeling extremely financially burdened. Mostly for the fact that I'm recently divorced, and live paycheck to child support check. In an attempt to ensure a more timely child support payment, and to stop the fighting and stress every time he deposited it late, my lawyer drew up a garnishment order, and his company is now garnishing his check. Sounds great, huh?  Well, what they forget to tell you is that it takes 9 business days to process, and by that time, its now been a month since my last child support payment. On top of that, my last lawyer bill came in. I've already paid $3,000, and this last court date cost me another $1,600. I'm tired of being broke. I'm tired of worrying about money. I'm tired of working 60 hour weeks without any additional pay because I'm salary. I'm seriously thinking about taking on a second job. What's another job on top of 60 hour weeks, being a single parent, and taking care of a house all by myself?

That reminds me, at some point this summer when I was talking to the guy I'm dating about what I would do if I got pregnant, I said I would raise it, that I'm already raising one by myself, what's another one?  To this he said "You're not raising her by yourself, I think you've got plenty of people helping you. Her father, me [referring to himself].". I didn't respond to his comment, but I did mull over it for the past 4 months. 

The thing is, all of those people are only around partial time, and at THEIR convenience, not mine!  I appear to be the only one that is completely responsible for the whole encompassing job of taking care of a child. I told her father 2 weeks ago that she has a cavity. I haven't been able to take her to the dentist, and this would be prime opportunity for her father to step up to the plate, but instead, he denies she has a cavity. 

Ugh. Too tired to continue writing. 


... said...

Gypsy, you are not alone. I have been 'strong' not out of a desire to be, but necessity. Which takes some of the shine off the 'title'. My recent divorce - learning to live 'my' life again... hang in there, your daughter will appreciate that you were there for her, they really do know. Routine seems to help - set it and stick to it. I'll look in on you - as it seems we have parallels. : )

Gypsy Soul said...

Sorry to hear of the parallels. :-( I believe we knew each other in a life that seems so long ago. 2/81 Armor?